I'm trying.

Well, to be honest, I don't think there should really be an excuse as to why someone can't diet, because really, anyone can diet. But the reason why I haven't had the motivation to do so is because I've been so overworked with One-Act Play. I hate it!!! The other actors suck and they're making such a shithole out of a great play.

Food from yesterday: Nothing for breakfast, but I had lunch at school which was 3 beef tacos in corn tortillas along with some diced peaches and Spanish rice with pinto beans. Dinner was 1 plate of mom's fettuccine Alfredo with shrimp and ground chicken.

Today's food: 2 grilled cheese sandwiches for breakfast; a slice of turkey, some mashed potatoes, broccoli with cheese, and a bread roll for lunch; dinner was ribs, some weird soup, and rice. I have no idea what mom plans to cook.

It's not that I'm eating bad or in large portions, I'm just not exercising. Hopefully I'll still lose a pound or two this week.

I'd love to pursue acting, but, let's face it, that's more impossible than my musical dreams. lol

I think I just want to become the math teacher I wanted to be before. =/

Food for today... breakfast was from school, an un-buttered biscuit with some weird ham and egg patty thing. For lunch I had a breaded chicken sandwich with lettuce and tomato with tator tots and vanilla pudding on the side. Dinner was pancit with shrimp and boiled bacon. I had some snacks like 2 tamarino pulp packets which are like 50 calories each as well as 2 steak fingers.

By the way, I weight 240 lb currently. I didn't gain any major weight.

Ate food. Good food.

Lunch was some rice with sinigang fish and I hate like 6 steak fingers as well with like 3 tbsp of country gravy! LOL Ate a snack of some fish balls. Dinner was tortang talong with some rice. Had pineapple chunks for dessert.

That's all.

Holding the diet until Sunday. I promise this time. I really do.

But I've been eating less the past couple of days, and I've had to do a little bit of active things (dance in my theater class, lift heavy objects for one-act play).

I don't know. I think stress really does cause people to gain weight, because I think I was 250 on the scale like yesterday and that isn't good at all. Like not at all. It's retarded. I can't even get on the scale it just makes me that much sadder and more depressed and just... UGH.

I NEED TO GET FOCUSED!!!

The One-Act Play director is getting on our case. We have a morning practice tomorrow at 7:30 a.m. and we don't even compete until like... March. What the Hell?

Band is going so awesome! I'm loving all the pieces they give us this year. There's not one that I wouldn't want to play. Also, Miss Meza said she would take time off every week to help me learn the audition pieces! It's going to be so great and so fun learning them!

Tomorrow I'll start enforcing my diet + exercise again. But you have to enforce it on me, too...

I just need to know that I can do it.

I love music and it's my life. There is no way that I want to do anything else. I know this. I know that music is it. And whatever job it is, conducting, performing, or teaching... I want music to be the rest of my life just like it is my life now.

I just need to know that it's possible.

I know that I can go to any cheap school that accepts any person but I don't want that to be me. I want to go to a good school so I can get a good job in a big city like San Antonio, Austin, or even Dallas/Forth Worth.

I just need to know I stand a chance.

I want to practice and get better and make sure it's no in vain. I don't want to make an effort and then come to realize I still don't compare to those rich kids with private teacher being accepted into North Texas. I'll never make it into North Texas now, but I want to know that if I practice enough and try hard enough that I have even the smallest chance.

I just need to know that it'll happen as long as it's in my heart.

I just need someone to tell me that I can do it.

Good day of eating. ^^ Feeling better, getting less sick.

I'm nervous for tomorrow's weigh-in! :x

Lunch (subway): 6" steak & swiss cheese sub with lettuce, tomato, onions, and toasted wheat bread
Dinner (Peter Piper Pizza): 3 small slices of pepperoni pizza, 7 hot buffalo wings
Snacks: 3 servings of shrimp crackers, 1 small slice of white cake with chocolate frosting